Coming Home

 When I think of “home,” I think of the place I first came to know my Father. It was the first place he and my mom brought me when I was born. It was the first place I realized I belonged. Not a house, but an understanding of what life would be. The first place where I knew, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that I had a purpose in my Father’s family. It was the intent of my parents that I would feel safe and cared for, pursued and known. It was home where they walked alongside me as I figured out who I was and how I was going to live this crazy adventure we like to call life.

    I fully believe that God inscribes a “home” on our hearts before we are even born. A place he chooses especially for each of us to invest in and fall in love with on earth before we reach our eternal home with Him. He had a place in mind for me – a place where He excitedly looked forward to seeing me first step foot on the soil and anticipated watching me come alive. He inscribed Africa on my heart long, long ago. Little did I know it would become home to me. Not a place where I would live forever, but a place where I would first come to know him as my Father; as my friend. This home was the first place I realized that He had a plan for my life that was so much bigger than myself; that there was a specific purpose for which He brought me into His family. The first time I went to Africa, I fell in love with the continent. The second time I went to Africa, I fell in love with Him.

     Summer 2013 in Cape Town, South Africa, was the first time I realized that God didn’t plan on me living in America forever. He had placed a desire in me to go to the nations that he faithfully cultivated throughout my childhood and into my young adult life. He cultivated by slowly but surely developing in me a need for adventure, adaptability to quick change, and passion for knowledge of other cultures. The first time I went to Cape Town, I was 11 years old. Thinking back now, 10 years later, I so clearly remember standing on top of table mountain and feeling this unfamiliar sensation of being so small, but realizing that my God was SO big. Though I didn’t realize it at the time, I know God was doing something in me in that moment. I can just picture Him with a look of pure giddy, eager to show me that He had already designated this place as my “home.” I see him excitedly watching my every step, my every interaction, watching me fall in love with this continent, with MY continent, and inventively crafting up ways to bring me back again. Little did I know, He would bring me back through a crazy journey of faith (see previous blog “This is the Story of how I fell in Love with Africa, June 2013). During my trip in 2013, I heard the Holy Spirit speak the verse Jeremiah 29:10- "I will fulfill my promise and bring you back to this place." And that's when I knew. I knew he would bring me back to the place where He showed me who He was. This trip was when God showed me more of his heart for his people, where he built in me a compassion for the lost and a desire to live my life daily working to fulfill the great commission. I was excited and expectant to see where this promise would lead.

“And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:18-20

     After returning home, I was on fire for the gospel. I was eager to return to Africa and began the process of looking into the possibility of studying abroad in Cape Town while helping the long-term team plant a new church. About 6 months after deciding to study abroad and getting together most of the details, I had a tough conversation with my parents and ended up deciding not to go due to financial reasons. I gave into their authority and their opinions quickly, and after a lot of disappointment, I remembered God’s promise – that He would bring me back one day – and clung to that truth. Then the typical question arose: “But when...?”

    Because my original plan fell through, my housing plans for the coming year we’re not what I had anticipated. Since I had already planned on being gone spring of my junior year, I ended up deciding to study abroad with a Baylor program that I could afford because of my scholarship. I wasn’t really sure if it was what God wanted me to do. To be honest, I didn’t really ask him. I responded out of disappointment and confusion at my circumstances – I wasn’t going to Africa, I didn’t have a place to live, and I was convinced that Junior year was not going to be all it was cracked up to be.

    BUT GOD always has a plan that is far bigger than we can grasp. I am constantly in awe of the way God proves that His plan for me is far better than my own. Nothing that happened in this time frame was a surprise to him – it was his way of seeing if I would follow him in obedience, trusting that His way would be the best way.

    It’s World Mandate of my junior year, and I am sitting in the auditorium for worship. Our pastor walks on stage and gives a call to stand to our feet if we have a nation we are called to and we are willing and ready to go. In that moment, I know God was telling me to stand to my feet. I didn’t know why, how, or where. All I knew was that he had something in mind for me, and my first step was to stand. After I stood up, I looked around and realized that there were four people, including myself, standing in a perfect square right next to each other. When I recognized this, I felt the Holy Spirit whisper, “This is my team.” And then I realized: each one of them was going to Cape Town… next semester. From there, I began to ask God what He was saying, and felt certain that I was supposed to look into the idea of going to Africa in January.

    I had a feeling that I should think about going and taking a semester off of school, but had a fear of presenting that idea to my parents. Leave it to God to have the suggestion come from my dad's own mouth as I'm explaining to Him what God has been doing inside of me. Confirmation after confirmation came, and I heard God say to "move forward until a door slams in your face or until your stepping foot on the airplane ready to head over there." So, I pulled my deposit for the study abroad program I was enrolled in, talked to multiple people, and made the final decision.

I WILL BE IN CAPE TOWN IN LESS THAN 4 MONTHS.

This just goes to show that God loves to fulfill the desires of our hearts- He places them there with good reason. He knew this plan all along, that He would have me defer from MY original plan and then have another possibility that would act as the perfect "placeholder" in my little Waco life until he called me to follow him and HIS plan to the place that he has made my home.

I'm going home.

"For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." -Isaiah 55:9

The World's Greatest Loss; Our Greatest Gain

First off, I am constantly amazed that God always has new levels of revelation for those who are faithful to press into Him. No matter how long I follow Him, He will always have more of His heart to show me. And that is what He did for me today.

Every day, there is another story on the news that raises doubt in people about the character of God. We endure hardship, we suffer loss, we feel pain, and our first question is often,

“Where is God in this?"

John 16:33 says, "In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart, I have overcome the world."

He promises trial. He promises that it isn't going to be easy. If He left it at that, we would have reason to question, but He didn’t.

"Take heart," he says. Take [HIS] heart, everywhere you go, through every season. Every tribulation and trial is made better in Him. It is the kindness of God to give us His heart so that we are able to overcome the world that we messed up in the first place.

The promise that God comes in and walks through hardship with us is enough to overpower our fear of trial. However, we must be willing to seek him in the hard places in order to recognize his work in that place. Focusing on the trial distracts us from seeing the one who is able to walk through it with us.

"Why do bad things happen to good people?"

This is a common question. The truth?

The worst thing happened to the best person.

Death happened, a painful death, to JESUS - the only person ever to walk the earth without sin.
So that we wouldn't have to walk through life alone.

I've seen death, a lot of it. It has the ability to pull people to Jesus, or to turn people away. People suffer loss, and either seek God's goodness or lose trust in God's goodness. There isn't much in between. 

The truth is God will do whatever it takes to bring all people to himself. 
He gave his OWN SON to bring you and I into relationship with Him. 

Our citizenship is in Heaven, and He wants all people to live with Him, forever. 

This morning, He told me - 
"On that day, the day I gave my Son, I saw you on this day, and it made it all worth it."

So yes, life isn't easy. It wasn't easy for God to watch His Son die on the cross. "But," he says, "It was worth it, because now, I get to know YOU."

It is an invitation to press in through the hardship, because that is what Jesus died for. 

The question is:

"Am I going to focus on the trial and become susceptible to the lies of the enemy, whose goal is for me to turn away and doubt the character of God?

 Or will I be willing to seek God, to take [His] heart in the hard times, so that I have eyes to see His glory at work and am able to bring others into that place?

It is a decision we have to make time and time again. The good news is this: God remains in those times no matter what.

It is just a question of whether or not we are able to see him.  

Undeserved Friendship

In January, I wrote this in my journal. Today, I felt like God told me to share it. 

"The Lord spoke to Moses as man speaks to a friend. The glory of the Lord's face was to much for Moses to to see face to face. The Lord speaks to me as he speaks face to face with a friend. "For," he says, "I have found favor in His sight, and He knows me by name." He will make all of His goodness pass before me, that I am able to walk in the goodness of the one true God. He calls me HIS, unstained by the world, for in His truth I am able to repel any untrue thought that may try to come up against me. Therefore, I will speak to my Jesus as if speaking to a friend, because YOU, my God, are my friend, and You think more than the world of me."

"My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest." Exodus 33:14

The God of the Universe was looking for something that he so desperately wanted: friendship. He creates man, he calls us HIS. He calls you and I friend. We are blameless; created in His image that He may be glorified. And then, we fell. The serpent spoke sweet, like a temptress, that we might follow him instead of the God we were created to follow. The bond between God and man is broken. The enemy is overjoyed. Man sees the truth, and no longer sees himself as beautiful; covering himself. God never meant for us to hide. His portion for us was never to feel shame. But we chose what appeared to be the loudest voice in the room, over the voice of the one who was closest. The heart of God was broken, the heart of man; lost in sin. God needed us to see His face for who He truly was, so He sends the ultimate picture of grace, in the form of a CHILD. A child who grew up just like you and me; in  a world begging us to choose to belong to it. The world gave us temptation of sin sent in all the right packaging. "It'll be fun," and "you aren't doing anything wrong" stamped all over the wrapping paper. But this child knew a false wrapping job when he saw it; and he had a job to do. He found some men, 12 to be exact, to invest in. These few would do the same to a few, then those to a few, for generations. With these men he broke bread, travelled, worshipped, prayed, LIVED. He taught through word and deed. Until one day, it was time to leave it up to his students. He came to pay a debt; one that you and I deserved to pay. But on his way to the bank, he didn't walk in fear. He lived in the present. He got every ounce of life out of his time possible, before it was his turn at the counter. It was never about him. It was always about what he could do to make life better for us. There is no one who has ever walked this earth who lived a more present, intentional life. 

So next time you are living life in anticipation or worry of your next destination, think about Jesus - a man who took advantage of every second. He was investing in people, loving on people, healing people, all on his way to the CROSS, where he would finally check our debt off of the list of "things owed," forever.

So that now, God can call us friend. So that NOW, he can have what He originially intended and what we never deserved:

friendship.

Exodus 33

With Open Arms

It never goes the way you would expect. Honestly, I’m thankful. Imagine how boring life would be if you planned it out in your cute little planner and everything happened exactly the way you wanted it to. No curveballs, no u-turns, it was set in stone. That would be too comfortable.

            I was not created to be comfortable. That is why I get restless when I stay in the same position for long periods of time, even if it is on the most comfortable piece of furniture imaginable. I was made to seek comfort in my Lord and Savior, not in my circumstances. Because even when it feels like no one else is, MY God is fighting for me. MY God whispers sweet promises to me that sound substantially louder than the enemy’s shouts. Why is that? Because God is close, and his close whispers sound like a sonic boom in comparison to the enemy’s far off scream. God has his hold on me, and he assures me that nothing will touch me. There will be no battle, because He has already won. That doesn’t mean life won’t throw me curveballs. It doesn’t mean I will be initially happy with the changes, but He promises to bring something beautiful out of that place. If He didn’t promise me something so worth fighting for, He wouldn’t have put me there to begin with.

            Sometimes I begin to believe the lie that God likes me to be comfortable. Whenever I do, there’s a shift. There’s so much more to this life than living alongside people you always feel safe around. Without challenges, there is no growth. Without growth, what is ministry? There is so much out there to see, to learn, to experience. I am not made for complacency. I am not made to just get by in this season in order to get to the next. I am made to thrive in relationship with the one who calls me His. Who promises peace and provision. Because he chose ME, a completely imperfect person, to bring his perfect message of grace to hardened hearts. He never stops working, he never stops pursuing. Every time he opens up a door in an unexpected place, even if I shut it in his face, he still comes back. He doesn’t get angry with me. He’s never disappointed. When I take the enemy’s words and hold them as truth, He begs me to turn around and see him, with open arms, waiting and ready for me to come back to him, to seek his comfort, to know his truth as THE truth.

            So today I will choose to be one who is okay with uncertainty. I will run from the one who tries to pull me from redemption, who tries to morph my changes in circumstances into something that I should be fearful of. And I will seek truth from the author and perfecter of my faith. Because His word really truly is gold, and He accepts me with open arms every single time.

Because even when I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for HE is with me. His rod and staff comfort me. He prepares a table before me in the presence of my enemies; he anoints my head with oil, my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
 –Psalm 23:4-6

Safe & Sound

Safe [seyf]; Adjective, saf·er, saf·est; Secure from liability to harm, injury, danger, or risk: a safe place.

This season of my life has come with a lot of adventure. Moving halfway across the country just over a year ago, traveling to Africa, working in an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people, all of which came with fears and doubts. What I’ve found, however, is that in those times that I say “yes” to an adventure with God, I feel closer to him than ever before. He is my safe place, even when everything around me seems to be going haywire.

The other day I was asking God about what my safe place is. He kept giving me a picture of us in a pantry, which is confusing. At first I laughed at his humor, thinking he was saying my safe place is food. When I asked for a deeper meaning, he showed me the intricacy of my safe place with him.

In this pantry I have all that I need to survive. I have shelter; I have sustenance. This place is intimate: a place where we are close to one another. In this place I have comfort and I have someone to answer all of my questions.  I have someone to hold me close when I am fearful, and to speak any negative feelings or thoughts away. This is my safe place with my God, where he will remain with me. Because in him I am safe to be who he created me to be. I am safe to be transparent. I am safe to go to uncharted waters. I am safe in his will for my life.

Because there is no safer place to be than in the will of God.

Being in a relationship with God is truly the only time you can be two places at once. I can be in my safe place with my Father, and out of my comfort zone in the world at the same time. He tells me, “Remain in me, for I will be with you. You are safe to adventure with me. You are safe to be in unsafe places, because I am greater than any danger. So follow my lead, and I will take you on the adventure of a lifetime. I will walk alongside you, fighting off anything that may come up against you.”

He tells me, “My child, I will never stop fighting for you.” My response? “I will go to the ends of the earth with you. “ As long as I remain in my safe lil’ pantry.

             

“The name of the Lord is a strong tower. The righteous man runs to it and is safe.” 

Proverbs 18:10

{A simple message} of hope restored

I love Africa. If you know me, you know that. I love it so much that I almost never stop thinking about it. This weekend was Antioch’s mission conference: World Mandate. And I walked out the doors of the Ferrell Center loving Africa even more than before. This time I walked out with a call to do something about it.

Ever since I left South Africa in June, I have wanted to be back. God continues to remind me how important it is to be present where he has called me today. At the conference, my heart hurt. It hurt for the children of Africa who have no voice. It hurt for girls who are trapped in an industry that sells them as if they are an item of clothing. It hurt for those who have no sense of hope, those who don’t know that there is a God out there fighting for them. And then I got the call.

On my 20^th birthday, God very clearly spoke a phrase over my year. He told me that this would be a year of “Hope Restored.” I was unsure of what that meant, and how I was supposed to pursue it. In typical fashion, Jesus showed me. Today. I’m not even a week into my 21^st year of life and he has already given me vision for what this year entails.

In Jeremiah 1, it says “See, I have set you this day over nations and over kingdoms, to pluck and to break down, to destroy and to overthrow, to build and to plant.” My constant question since the day I left Cape Town has been “Jesus, when will you bring me back?” Today I realized that I’ve been asking the wrong question all along. Instead, I asked:

“Jesus, what can I do until you bring me back?”

I got my answer. “Bethany, I am calling you to fight for those who unable to fight for themselves. Some of which don’t even know they need fighting for.” Who is it he is speaking about? Children. God placed a huge burden on my heart for children who have no means of fighting for themselves, because they shouldn’t have to. I got picture after picture of little girls and boys that I met in Africa, and was reminded of how the majority of them have no one fighting for their future, no one believing for their lives, no one to give them hope. In that moment, God spoke. He said, “This will be not only a year, but a lifetime, of hope restored,” Because in Jesus, we have hope. And because of Jesus, I don’t have to physically be with my people in order to fight for them.

So I made a decision to fight for these kids in every way that I possibly can. I made a promise to God that I would believe for their lives, fight for them prayerfully, and partner with my brothers and sisters across the Atlantic in a way that goes against all things worldly.

“The nations of the earth are at your fingertips, child. Begin fighting for them, today.”

When I made the promise, God asked me a question. “Bethany, what are you willing to do? Better yet, what are you willing to give up?” I immediately got a picture of the hundreds of articles of clothing hanging in my closet. Yes, I said hundreds. That’s when I knew what God was calling me to do. He told me that he wants me to pursue a life of simplicity.

“Lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” –Matthew 6:20-21

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be. That is when God rocked my world. I do not want to store up my treasure here on earth, I want to do everything I can to lay up my treasure alongside Jesus. What better way to pursue a message of hope for the people of Africa than to partner alongside them by learning to live with only the necessities?

This is what I realized:

Because I have a relationship with Jesus, I am never in want. Not only am I content, but I am overwhelmed with the goodness of God in the midst of simplicity. The people of Africa are in material poverty. Relationally, they thrive. They have joy, they have a spirit of thankfulness, they are content with what they have. The people of America are materially wealthy, but they constantly want more. They never reach full satisfaction. What would it look like for me to pursue relational fullness, and to partner with my friends who live in material poverty? What kind of message would it send? How can I best fight for those in need? By stepping into their shoes.

It is {a simple message} of hope restored.

Through this process, I will see hope restored for the nations of the world. What do I need? Jesus. Only Jesus. A simple life, a simple relationship that gives birth to hope for multiple generations. Every day, I will get rid of one material item. Every time, I will see a child’s face: children who are lost in poverty, who know no hope. Those faces have names, and I have hope. I have hope for those face’s futures, hope for their impact, for their education, for their families. And with each item, I will pray for that child. The oceans have nothing on God. Distance is only a number, because prayer REACHES. And it MATTERS.

I have hope, because I have Jesus. Only Jesus.

I am trading the American dream for a dream for the nations. And I’m pumped.

So, what does this look like practically? Today, I took an inventory of all the clothes in my closet. The numbers were actually embarrassing.

13 pairs of pants

88 nice shirts

16 jackets

22 pairs of athletic shorts

84 t-shirts

12 pairs of shorts

6 pairs of sweats/leggings

37 pairs of shoes

9 skirts

32 dresses

15 sweaters

12 scarves

Everyday, I will sell/donate one item until the end of the semester. The money I raise will be donated to help with orphan care and anti-trafficking organizations. [Still to be determined.] Through this process, I am able to remain connected to the people who stole my heart eight years ago.

I am inviting you to partner with me as I see hope restored for the next generation. Go through your closet, get rid of some excess (we all have it), and intercede for those who will come alongside and after us. Because they deserve it. 

Seasons come, seasons go. This one thing I know for sure…

I love long drives by myself. I have probably had more realizations of who God is in my little Honda civic than I’ve had at huge international conferences, youth camps and bible studies combined.

Today I was driving to a small town, about an hour and a half from my house, to pick up my little brother from football camp. As I got all settled in, my car in cruise control and Will Reagan playing softly in the background, I asked God a question. “What do you want to teach me right now?” What did God have to tell me on this little stretch of highway in the middle of nowhere?

His answer? “I want you to know, to really know, that my character doesn’t change with the seasons.”  His answer brought me into deep thought. I have believed the lie that I am in a cycle. A constant cycle of doubt that arises any time I leave a “mountain top” experience. Before I even arrived at home, I was believing a lie that I wouldn’t experience the character of God the way I had in Africa.

It really got me thinking. How do I tap into the constant character of God? How do I fight the enemy trying to pull me away from all God has from me the second I step off the plane from a mission trip?

The answer is one of the biggest revelations I’ve had in my life. Nothing. I have to do absolutely nothing. God isn’t here to change with the seasons. He isn’t here to disappoint us when the season we are in doesn’t feel like one of growth. He is here to give us a consistent well of JOY, PEACE, LOVE, GRACE, and MERCY. The great thing is, we usually need the well of who He is more so in the difficult seasons, and He promises to give us all we need and more.

On the same drive a little bit later, I was praying for a friend and God shared with me some of the most groundbreaking advice He’d ever given me.

“Don’t allow your changes in location or circumstance to convince you that there have been changes in my character.”

Just let that sink in. The easiest lie for me to believe in seasons of “dryness” and “disconnect” is that God is not as close as He once was. The truth? He’s probably even closer. Take comfort in the fact that for Him, seasons give an opportunity for him to draw close and take you under his wing. Allow him to.

P.S. Don’t let your seasons define you, let Jesus handle that  :)